One Last Night
by writeallnight
Summary: "He would give her this. He would give her one more night." Post-Ep for Internal Affairs.


A/N: I can think of one other time that I cried while writing fanfic. This one broke my heart, as does this whole situation with Deeks. He is lying to Kensi, and it's not okay. Not even a little. So I'm writing out all my feelings and hopes and praying that the show writers will choose to resolve this sooner rather than later. Read on...

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Deeks stood outside the bar, fiddling with his keys. He didn't feel like celebrating with his team right now. He didn't feel like doing anything except maybe crawling into a deep, dark hole and never coming out. But they had gone above and beyond for him today, and he owed them some time.

He gritted his teeth and opened the door, spotting them immediately. Sam's large frame caused others to give the agents a wide berth and Deeks cut through the room swiftly to join them.

"Hey!" Kensi greeted him, threading her fingers through his as he kissed the top of her head. "You sure you're up for this?"

He squeezed her hand, forced a smile, tried to shove away the sour taste in his mouth. "I'm good for a round or two."

"They don't let you have the good stuff in the big house, huh Deeks?" Sam asked as he pressed a beer into the detective's hand.

"You would know," Deeks replied. The attempt at humor was an automatic response rather than a true attempt at conversation. Nothing about tonight, today, was funny. But they didn't know that and he had to keep it that way for now.

"Hey, I haven't been in there nearly as often as G has," Sam retorted.

Callen's eyes narrowed. "That was undercover work."

"Uh huh," Sam rolled his eyes and took another sip.

"What is it with you guys and getting arrested?" Kensi asked as she leaned against the bar's edge.

"Right, because you've never been accused of murder and gone on the run," Callen accused.

"At least I didn't get caught," Kensi informed them saucily.

They joked and laughed for another hour while Deeks toyed with the label on his bottle, trying to keep up with the conversation. He should have felt freedom. It was over. Someone else had taken the fall for his actions and he was allowed continue his life, absolved of his mistakes.

But he couldn't let it go.

Hetty's words echoed in his ears as they drove home, greeted the dog, got ready for bed.

He slid beneath the covers, his mind churning as Kensi joined him, pressing her body close to his, kissing his lips. "The bed was lonely without you," she told him softly.

She was so much more than he deserved. So much better than anything he'd ever imagined for himself. "I missed you too," he told her.

It felt like he was dying, choking on the lies and secrets he'd kept inside for so long. He couldn't keep them from her anymore. It was too much. His breath caught in his throat and he swallowed hard. "Kens, I—"

"Don't," she said quickly. Her smile faded. "Please, I…whatever you need to say, I'll listen but…please don't say it right now. I need tonight. Just one more night. Okay?" Her eyes met his, pleading. "Please."

She knew. Or at least suspected. Of course she did. She knew him better than anyone ever had. Of course she'd figured it out.

The knowledge should have brought relief, but instead shame and guilt flooded his soul. She had deserved to know the truth a long time ago, and instead he'd chosen himself over her again and again. All he'd ever wanted was to protect her, and instead his actions were going to destroy her.

He would give her this. He would give her one more night. One more night of peace, one more night of happiness before he changed their whole world. After all she had done, after how hard she had fought for him, he owed her that much. "Okay."

Kensi closed her eyes in relief. "Thank you."

She lay down beside him and he wrapped his arm around her waist, holding her tightly. In the morning, in the early hours of the dawn, he would confess his sins to her in quiet, broken words. But for tonight, he held her, whispering his love, over and over. Begging God for an ounce of hope that this night would not be their last.

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A/N: Leave your love (or tears) in the reviews!


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